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Beauty Tips

10 Genuine Ginger Problems

It's almost summer and the first poolside excursion of 2019 reminded me of the many dilemmas that bond us redheads. Here is a list of 10 ginger problems I have experienced in the last month- relate much?


1. Being the one who ends pool time early or creating a towel fort for one. 

2. Asking anyone and everyone if they have sunscreen on a cloudy day- and receiving the oddest looks in response. Clouds do not equal safe, people!

3. People assuming I enjoy St. Patrick's Day... I do not!

4. People pointing out other redheads to me as though we are all related.

5. Always being assigned the redhead character in a show…. Why do I have to be Sansa? Maybe I want to be Cersei! Actually I want to be Ygritte so I don't know why I am complaining.

6. People asking if its my natural hair color- which is no longer a super simple answer. Short answer: it was. Long answer: my hair started to fade to brown so now I use henna to keep it red. Refer to My Henna Confessions for the full dirty tale.

7. People assuming I don't like sunny weather. #offended

8. An undying love for everything Tilda Swinton- who embraces the translucent lash and brow and makes me feel good about it. She also happens to be Jessica Chastain's inspirado for her Dark Phoenix character in the upcoming movie! Not really a problem but something that needed to be said. 

9. People linking my temper to my red hair… pretty sure I’m just a feisty broad who is pissed you ate her leftovers.

10. The mascara dilemma. To wear makeup or not to wear makeup- that is the question and it's not quite the same for us redheads who basically paint on our lashes and brows. Hence the creation of the Gingerlash Mascara.

 

 

 

6 Crazy Redhead Myths

1. Witch! Back in the day (sometime before Charmed made being a witch look awesome) I’m thinking the 1400’s-1700’s, the fear of witches was rampant. Thousands of women were stripped and searched for ‘marks of the devil.’ These included any abnormal features, such as moles, birthmarks, freckles or even red hair. Considering that redheads have two out of the four signs, they were shit out of luck. As a result, many were either burned at the stake or drowned.

2. Red hair is unlucky (I take personal offense to this one). In ancient Egypt, red hair was viewed as so unlucky that they would offer redheaded men and women up as sacrifices to the god Osiris in hopes of wiping out the tint. It didn't help that red hair was associated with Osiris's nemesis, the god Set.

3. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! During this period of rampant religious paranoia and abuse of power, red hair was believed to be a sign that the owner had stolen the very fires of hell. The consequence for this was...guess…. being burned at the stake! Hmmm.... maybe red hair was unlucky.

4. Vampire! (finally a win...relatively) According to Greek folklore, redheads turned into vampires after they died. If it’s anything like True Blood, I’m okay with this.

5. Forever unclean. At some crazy point in history, people actually believed that red hair was a sign that the individual was conceived during menstruation! This resulted in such taunts as: ‘red knob’ or ‘tampon tops’. Not cool guys.

6. Redheads are emotionally un-housebroken’ said Aristotle supposedly. I honestly don’t know how to respond to this one but if it gets me out of doing the dishes, I can deal.

 

5 Most Awkward Things People Say To Redheads

1. “Firecrotch!”

Worst teenage memory ever! Being called a firecrotch in front of everyone and knowing that these hormone controlled monsters were now thinking about my nether region. Why must they use the word ‘crotch’? It only conjures one image- and unfortunately it’s attached to my bathing suit area.

 

2. “I have a thing for redheads”... says way too many people in inappropriate situations.

First of all, way to cast a wide net douche. So can this be anything with legs and a fiery mop on their head or do you have some specifications?  Not to mention, how the hell am I suppose to respond to this?.... “That’s a one-liner that definitely makes me feel special... “ Nope, run away.

 

3. “You look like (name any random redhead celebrity).”

No I do not look like Julianne Moore or Nicole Kidman or Ariel (she’s a cartoon!). I might look like Amy Adams if she had a totally different face/ body/ everything- but dude you are way off and the intended flattery has turned into absurdity.

 

4. “Does the carpet match the drapes?”

ummmmm…………… Again, bathing suit area under attack! Why is everyone obsessed with my crotch?!


5. “I hear redheads are crazy in bed…(wink, wink)”

Is this some kind of call to action? Am I being baited, like when someone says “I bet you can’t drink that whole carton of milk...”  My question to you sir, “Does this actually work on anyone?”

 

Share your experiences with your fellow redheads at facebook.com/redheadrevo!